Albino! no punch back

Original Fic: Nothing New Under the Sun, by jedibuttercup
Remix: Nothing New Under the Sun (The Zombies ate my brain Remix)
Stargate
drabble

Jonas Quinn isn't really here. Maybe he died fighting alongside SG-1 (that's his favourite), or maybe he never left Kelowna and died when the first Naquadria bomb went off. Maybe he lost his mind, just like his mentor did.

The women he loves is a Goa'uld. The woman he loves is dead. His world is under threat, and Jonas will likely die in the coming fight.

He sleeps in an empty bed, works with the woman who is and is not his lover. Goes back home to an empty bed.

Daniel must be a stronger man than him.

Daniel survived.

Jonas isn't sure he did.

Original Fic: Chaapa'ai, by izhilzha
Remix: Chaapa'ai (The disney world Remix)
Stargate
double drabble

Up all night surrounded by translations and books that once he might have read for fun, but are now needed to finish his next report, Daniel Jackson forgets that once the Stargate was everything.

It was proof he was right, it was a gateway to stars and worlds beyond, it lead to his wife. It was hope and life.

It's a means of conveyance. It's a job. It's one more way for the people around him to get themselves killed.

In the beginning they thought it meant 'Doorway to Heaven'. The only way that's true is if he counts the endless funerals. Itchy suits and wreaths sent through into nothing.

Why buy empty coffins when a ring of dead flowers is just as good?

When he sleeps, if he sleeps, he dreams. It's warm, and sandy and more real than real life seems lately. In his dreams the Stargate is still a thing of beauty. It ripples and dances like something living. His wife at his side, hope in his heart, Daniel Jackson stands on the edge of eternity.

When he wakes up alone, knows he won't get anymore sleep and goes back to his office. Back to the job. He has a report due.

The difference between season 1 and season 2,
Stargate SG1
ficlet for comment_fic
prompt was Jack/Daniel, can't live with the deception anymore

( give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair, shining, gleaming, shoulder length or longer* )


* I may complete have scewed up the lyrics to that song.

Five Jaffa Fairy Tales
challenge for sg1_five_things
Stargate

The Boy who cried Kree! - if you yell a warning to the Palace guards, you damn well better mean it.

Goa'uldi Locks and the Three Unas - in which a young Goa'uld comes across three Unas and lays her young in them- the first Unas was too acidic and his primta died, the second Unas was too cold and his primta died, but the third Unas had just the right biological conditions to be host to a God and was rewarded with many riches, unlike the first two who were worked to death in the mines of the Great Goa'uldi Locks.

The Larval Goa'uld and the Fox - the moral of which is to plan your murders carefully, lest your vengeance cost you your life as well.

The Little Hyt'ac that could - young Jaffa are taught to follow orders at all costs, because if you can't get the ship you are piloting to your God's destination, the Jaffa behind you with a staff weapon will...

The Tortoise and the Ha're - which is not a story, but a recipe, that Jaffa mothers have passed down to their daughters for generations. It is a very tasty soup.

The 5 things Vala remembers about her mum
challenge for sg1_five_things
Stargate

Her Long Black Hair

Even though it was short and streaked with grey by the end, it's how she wore it when Vala was young that she remembers best.

Sometimes, off world or on Earth, or in a million places that her mother has never been, Vala catches sight of a woman with the same hair and for a second she thinks it's her.


The Disease that killed Her

She can remember long days taking care of her, the smell of the healer with his herbs and tonics, the face her mother made when she tried to hide her pain.

She remembers being grateful when it was finally over.


Her Cooking

No one in the entire universe can cook quite like her mother used to, and she'd know, she's traveled most of it.


Her Disappointment

the look on her face the first time Vala got caught pulling a scam was almost enough to make her give up her career as a con artist and thief before it ever began.

Almost.


that feeling of safety, tucked into her mothers arms

Vala misses that feeling. It's been so long since she felt that safe, and that cared for and that loved, she's almost forgotten it.

She wishes she could have given that same feeling to her daughter.

Five filing tags Walter uses that aren't military issue
for sg1_five_things
Stargate

Time travel-
He's including time loops and things from the future in this file. His report on what Teal'c and Colonel O'Neill did during the loop is a little thin considering the Tokra were trying to contact them for over 3 months.

Maybe it's better not to know.

Aliens Made Them Do It-
This file is largely SG-1 related as well, from arm bands to viruses, and surprisingly thick. Apparently Aliens make people do some pretty weird stuff.

Like drink entire pots of coffee without making more and singing Row Row Row your boat so incessantly that certain Staff Sergents contemplate mutiny, but settle for refusing to deliver Colonel O'Neills memos for the rest of eternity.

Teal'c-isms-
That man has some pretty funny and profound things to say, and most people don't pay much attention, but Walters been serving Generals and Colonels and Military advisers for years. He knows a brilliant tactician when he sees one.


What SG-1 did-
a file of all the times Carter's inventions, Daniels Daniel-ness or Colonel O'Neill being himself has gotten themselves, the base, a planet (including Earth) into trouble.

It is the thickest file on base, and the stuff of legends.


What Walter Did-
now with new What Siler did addition, since Siler found out and threatened to tell if he didn't get his own file.

Years from now future generations of technicians will know what he went through to keep his base safe and running, and the people on it happy. It's a thankless job, but somebody's got to do it and he's glad he gets to.

C is for Cancer
for alphabet soup a la Hammond
Stargate



It was the first time he'd been out of the mountain during the day in...Hammond couldn't remember how long. Normally he arrived too early for anything to be open, and left long after the stores closed. So getting to go grocery shopping was actually a little bit exciting.

Pushing his cart to the car, he was stopped by two young women collecting for breast cancer research. The one started in on her spiel, but George's eye was drawn to the girl in back, or more specifically, her head piece.

She was wearing the three piece cloth thing he could remember his wife sewing when she was too weak to do anything but sit and sitch. She had got the pattern from her cancer support group and he could remember a lot of the women in that group wearing the same thing.

It was like a secret insignia for cancer's victims. For a second Hammond was overcome with the memory of sitting in a dim hospital room, holding his wife's frail hand and listening to her laboured breathing.

"Sir?" the woman who'd been talking broke into his train of thought.

"Hmm? Oh, yes, here". George handed her several bills from his wallet and started pushing his cart to his car.

Grocery shopping was over rated

Who could love you and still be standing?
prompt for 31_days
Stargate


Sam stared at Pete, aghast. “I can’t believe you’d say that to me”. she said quietly.

“Well it’s true isn’t it? From what you’ve told me every guy whose gotten involved with you ended up dead. -Hell-that alien guy Marty died twice!”

“Pete!” Sam hissed, trying to convey shut up! And people will hear you! In the sound of his name.

He didn’t get the message.

“What! What piece of wisdom are you going to lay on me, Samantha.”

She just stared at him. Unsure, guilty, and angry.

“Come on genius, how are you going to salvage this? Fix the problem like a good little scientist. Don’t treat this like people are involved. Pretend I’m just another gadget in your fucking lab and make this work out.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry? You’re Sorry! Oh, well, then this is okay. The problem is solved. The great Samantha Carter has admitted she’s wrong to the lowly mortal-”

“Just stop it! I get it, Pete. I fucked up. I’m trying to do the honourable thing and stop this before it goes to far.”

“Too far! Like getting engaged? Like buying a house? Like giving up my job-my life in Denver for you.”

“I never asked you to. I never asked you for any of it.” Sam said.

“No” Pete said, stepping back and raising his arms. “No, you never asked me for anything.” He dropped his arms. “I guess I should consider myself lucky. I may be the first guy to get out of a relationship with you alive. Maybe everything I’ve given up for you is a small price to pay, you know, by comparison.

“Pete-”

But he had turned and walked across the front lawn of the house that was supposed to be theirs.

The 4 Times Sam and Daniel Didn't Have Sex, and the 1 Time They Did
prompt for sg1_five_things
Stargate

Warning: slightly adult, but only a little.

This fic has been remixed over here


1. It was too hot. Sam can handle the heat-if she has too. But after spending a year on Abydos and a life time doing archaeological digs in deserts Daniel seems to thrive in it.

2. It was too cold. Damn shrinkage.

3. Jack beat him to it.

4. Jack beat her to it.

5. "What do you call this again?" asked Daniel, as he and Sam tried the alien delicacy that had been prepared in their honour. "It is called See'X pudding" said the Alien Ambassador. Sam choked on her mouthful. "We're having Sex?!" She managed to get out around the food in her mouth, with a minimum of spray-age. "Indeed. Is it not delicious?" he replied.

The 5 reasons Teal’c is afraid of clowns
five things prompt from sg1_five_things
Stargate

- After first coming to Earth and attempting to acclimate himself to Earth culture, Major Carter lent him her copy of Stephen Kings IT.

- After Mitchells first team movie night included a screening of Super Size Me.

- After Jack forced him to watch hours of the Simpson, including the episode with Bart's clown bed. Teal'c too, fears that if he sleeps, the clown will eat him.

-After Daniel Jackson tells Teal'c that clowns remind him of Gluk'achu, the ancient Jaffa spirit who causes male impotency.

-Teal'c trusts no man with feet that big.

The 5 times Vala was Possessed by June Cleaver
five things fic for sg1_five_things
Stargate


-It involved nostalgia weekend at Daniel's, a really old TV set, and a lightning strike.

-During the events of Momento Mori, while Athena tried to pry her inner most secrets from her mind with the memory device, Vala concentrated on the most inane, most insignificant thing she could think of on the spot - Leave It To Beaver. When the machine blew, thoughts of Leave It to Beaver were all that was left.

- During the events of Momento Mori, Saul, the diner owner, agreed to let her stay on one condition. Val had to help him create his life long dream of being Ward Cleaver. It mostly involved wearing heels and pearls at the same time, and sleeping in separate beds. Val didn't remember much of her life before, but she was pretty sure this wasn't the worst thing she'd ever been through.

- While rifling through some of Daniels artefacts, Vala comes across a case with a necklace inside. She doesn't bother looking at the alien warning, that she couldn't read anyway. If she had been able to read that it said (roughly translated as)"Beware those who would live in the past, especially pasts that never really existed" maybe she would have hesitated putting it on, then again maybe not.

- Ouija Boards really are bad juju.

The 5 Ba'als who ran away and joined the circus
Sort of a five things for sg1_five_things
Stargate


Ba'al didn't know you shouldn't clone clones. By the time he realized that each generation of clone was a little more skewed then the last, a bunch of them had escaped. He recaptured most but 3 were unaccounted for. Years later he saw them on a televised program featuring Cirque de Soliel gymnasts. That day, Ba'al cursed his host body's Gumby like flexibility.

- In a plea bargain with Stargate Command, after his forces had been defeated, he agreed to (among other things) 100 hours of community service at children’s parties. Ba'al hoped that if he was wearing make up maybe no one would recognize him. That hope was destroyed when Gen. O'Neill showed up with a camera and a big smirk.

- One of the clones had just had enough: no dental, long hours and a high mortality rate. Screw it, he thought, I'm getting a job at McDonalds. It was just his luck that all new employees had to wear the costume and greet kids, while on their first day working there.

What happened to Graham.
Drabble
Stargate


It was nearly a thousand years before the air force had the technology to successfully thaw him out. All Graham had were his clothes and a note from Dr. Felger apologizing for creating the cryogenics tube in the first place.

He was placed with an admiral, who officially was his "foster father", to help him adjust. One day, while visiting his foster brother Lee at the air force training facility (or what passed for the air force these days) he saw her. She was teaching flight and he'd always had a thing for blondes. That very night he asked Admiral Adama to pull a few strings and get him into the program.

Bad Religion
drabble
Stargate



It was Tina's 3rd year in university (philosophy major) and her 2nd year bartending. The money was good, but some of the clientele were a little odd.
There was this one guy, hot in a TA sort of way. He would get plastered on 2 beers and lecture her (and anyone who would listen) about the Egyptian Gods.
Once, he made it thru 4 whole beers (the new girl didn't know to cut him off), he told her that her dark curly hair reminded him of his wife. Then he cried.
Tina called him a cab. He never came back.

The Seven reasons Daniel hasn't slept with Vala
spoilers for (in no particular order) Need, Broca Divide, Hathor, Past and Present, the Gamekeeper, every Sha're episode, every Osirus/Sarah episode.
prompt for sg1_five_things
Stargate

1. The last women he slept with was the 'destroyer of worlds'.

2. The women before that was a suicidal princess who got him addicted to the sarcophagus.

3. The "woman" before that was Hathor.

4. The woman before that was a cavewoman.

5.The woman before that was his wife, Sha're, who ended up snaked, pregnant by another man and dead.

6. The woman before that was Sarah, who also ended up snaked.

7. Every woman that Daniel has ever loved, from his mother, to his wife, ended up worse for having had him in thier life. Daniel cares about Vala too much to put her through that.

The 5 Times Cassie wished she was an Earth Child
Spoilers for Rite of Passage
prompt for sg1_five_things
Stargate

1.Holidays. It takes a few years before she understands the facts about things like Santa, and the Easter Bunny, and Valentine cards. As she gets older she learns how to go through the motions-but she never really understands them. They’re not her holidays.

2.Vaccinations. More specifically the 10 years of shots she gets all in one sitting. If she’d been born here most of those needles would have happened when she was a baby.

3. When Nirti comes for her, because her DNA is advanced or something. Things like that don’t happen to Earth kids.

4.The Tooth Fairy. Daniel tries to explain the concept to her and she stays up all night with her hand over her mouth, refusing to sleep. It takes Janet (and then Sam, who then calls Jack, who drives Teal’c over too) all day to talk her down. They explain about fairy tales and mythical creatures and the things parents tell their kids. They say all kids have a tooth fairy who take their teeth and it‘s nothing to worry about. Maybe on Earth, Cassie thinks. Such creatures were feared on Hanta. They stole children on her world.

5. Every time Cassie has to lie about where she’s from. Some of the most important, most interesting HUGEST things in her life happened on Hanta. She can’t tell her friends, or her boyfriend, and some day she’ll have to lie to her kids.

The 5 reoccurring dreams Janet Fraiser has
prompt for sg1_five_things
Stargate


This fic has been remixed here

1)The naked one.
Specifically the naked men of the SGC one. Come on! She's a woman in her prime, who spends her days looking at barely covered, very fit men and she hasn't had a date in years! Who wouldn't have a few libidinous dreams.

It's not like she'd ever act on them...........

2)The one where Cassie dies.
On top of all the usual parental nightmares, Janet has ones where the bomb went off in Cassie's chest, ones where Nirrti wouldn't or couldn't help as Cassie changed from her little girl into a hyc'tar, ones where the NID or the IOA decided she was a threat, or an asset, and take her away for study and Janet never sees her again.

3)the one where SG-6 returned as aliens who got a foothold in the SGC.
Not just because Srgt. Cliffton grabbed her, put his hand over her mouth to stop her from calling out for help and then everything went black. Not just because there was an invading alien walking around, with her stolen her face and thoughts. What wakes her up and keeps her up, pacing until dawn,the worst part is what happened to the real SG-6.

It goes against what she believes in as a doctor, but she hopes they died quickly.

She's not sure why their unknown fate is the one that keeps her up at night. There have been(far too)many people lost, only MIA, and not KIA. But it's their faces she sees.

4)the one where she doesn't make it back to her own reality with the prior plague in time.
She dreams of walking in SG-C halls, up stairwells and through city streets, with nothing but rotting corpses for company(in the dreams her team seems to melt into non existence and she is completely alone). She takes the keys from the hand of a dead man and drives to her house, terrified of what she'll find. But as she opens the door, opens her mouth to call for Cassie, the dream ends.

Every. Single. Time.

5)The one where she gets killed off-world by an errant staff blast.
Then some perky young female doctor shows up and takes over her job.

Because that would have sucked.

Pants make the man OR the 5 Times Cam got back at SG-1 for stealing his pants.
prompt for sg1_five_things
Stargate

1)he baked Carter the most foul tasting macaroons when he visited her in the infirmary after the Ori soldier shot her during the phase testing mission. He told her it was Grannys recipe and tried not to laugh when she bit into it.

He feels a little bad that anyone would think his Granny could come up with something so bad, but damn it! she helped steal his pants!

2)he kept dropping hints about Sodan secrets, both mystical and profound around Teal'c, but refused to tell Teal'c anything. Teal'c won't pester him for answers but Cam knows its bugging him, and that's what you get for stealing a man's pants.

3)he rearranged Daniels books just enough to make Daniel question his own filing system. He rearranges Daniel's books every couple days for a month, and swears to Daniel he's starting to lose it, that no one is touching his stuff.It's so brilliantly evil, Cam thinks he might grow a mustache to twirl (he's a traditionalist).

4)he gets Vala's new e-mail account and signs her up for every bit of spam he can find. Unfortunately Vala finds the whole concept fascinating. Maybe he's not quite as brilliant as he thought, but he'll get her eventually.

5)One day, someone else will lose their pants, by accident, by intent or by prank. And on that day, Cam will make them rue the day they stole his pants.

The 5 things John Shepherd will never tell his brother
Prompt for sg1_five_things

Warning-liberal use of IMDB.com in this post.
Spoilers for the episode Dave was in.

Stargate Atlantis

1) John would tell him that he kind of looks like that guy from Blood Ties, Mike Celluci.

2) John would tell him on a good day he might pass for the guy who played Paceys brother on Dawsons Creek.

Not that he watched that show or anything.

3) John would tell him that he also looks like Dylan Shaw, from the Bold and The Beautiful-his ex-wife's indulgence, not his. Really.

4)John would tell him that he was kind of a jerk, through out both their entire lives.

5) John won't be telling Dave any of these things. Becasue as unpleasant as Dave is, he's pretty much the only family John has left and he loves him.

John won't be telling Dave that either.

She Bangs, or the 5 Mission Reports SG-1 Wishes they never had to file.
prompt for sg1_five_things
Stargate


1)Argos(Cynthia)
No one knows a tactful way to say Col. O'Neill banged a local.

2)P4X-369(herpes)
The one where Daniel caught chicken pox. The worst was as they were walking down the ramp,Hammond had asked how the mission had gone and Jack announced to the entire gateroom that Daniel had caught herpes from a 12 year old boy. SG-1 gaped at O'Neill(except Teal'c, who never gaped), and the rest of the room gaped at Daniel.

"What?"Jack smirked "Chicken pox are a type of herpes."

Now Daniel has to explain that pronouncement, without refuting it, because technically it's true(Daniel had asked Janet during his visit to the infirmary).

He's been staring at his computer screen for a while now. Nothing he could think of would stop people from gossiping, especially with his face covered in bright red sores.

Damn Jack. He was more annoying than the itchiness.

Daniel scratched.

3)Edora (Laira)
Jack couldn't think of a tactful way to say he'd banged a local.

4)M9S-K40 (Foo-foo)
The one with the cannibalistic midgets in bunny suits, intent on sacrificing SG-1 to their pink demon God 'Foo-foo'.

It was just too embarrassing.

5)Earth (1969)
Everyone decided it was best if Jack banging Mrs. Mitchell at the hippie love in was omitted from their reports.